Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
