Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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