Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
