New low: just hacked my moms facebook
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
