I faked an abortion last night.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
