I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
