I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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