? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
