A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
