I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
