I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Let's get the cat blown out
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
