I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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