What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I want to be your penis for a week.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
