pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
