I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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