Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
