I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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