4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
wow bdsm is so cute
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