what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
