I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
