I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
