There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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