well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
