Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
