toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
