I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Green mimosas i think yes
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
