I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
