I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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