How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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