living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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