Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
