I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
