i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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