I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
