your parents love me but you hate me
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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