I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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