I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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