Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My bed smells like the plague
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
