I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
