If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
