I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
