Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
