Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You are a genius and a whore.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
