I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
