Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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