there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
