Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
