3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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