Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
