Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
