you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
