Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
