Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
