I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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