Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
