one two three fourrrrnication!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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