I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
